End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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