You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
