Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(424): View more from California

I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick

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(386): View more from Florida

it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?

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(303): View more from Colorado

Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.

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(516): View more from New York

The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.

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(702): View more from Nevada

So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am

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(703): View more from Virginia

then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives

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(856): View more from New Jersey

You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"

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(616): View more from Michigan

I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!

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