no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
