you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
