whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
