I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
