I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I didn't notice because vodka
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
