They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
