areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
