Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize