can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
