i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
