i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
