We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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