Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I will be naked everywhere
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
