That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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