Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
