dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
