I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
