i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
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