When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
