So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
