i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
my poor anus
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this