Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
