Texts From Last Night

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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.

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  (604): My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry. http://tfl.nu/6crc
  Replies (8) Good night (570) Bad night (1688)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.

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  (603): Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good. http://tfl.nu/mw2h
  Replies (26) Good night (6336) Bad night (544)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.

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  (985): I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me. http://tfl.nu/zadb
  Replies (11) Good night (4185) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so you made the shocked face and they caught you.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  yup.

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  (571): i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise. (570): so you made the shocked face and they caught you. (571): yup. http://tfl.nu/1dzq
  Replies (19) Good night (1494) Bad night (5361)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.

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  (703): Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day. http://tfl.nu/0otc
  Replies (21) Good night (1008) Bad night (6701)
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  (+48): View more from Poland

  there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover

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  (+48): there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover http://tfl.nu/ynqc
  Replies (13) Good night (1118) Bad night (3244)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.

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  (630): im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again. http://tfl.nu/uwyc
  Replies (7) Good night (1975) Bad night (918)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?

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  (705): I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan? http://tfl.nu/r3wz
  Replies (5) Good night (1262) Bad night (1924)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time

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  (781): In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time http://tfl.nu/v2fu
  Replies (8) Good night (2436) Bad night (917)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase

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  (717): You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase http://tfl.nu/khjs
  Replies (3) Good night (1597) Bad night (700)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.

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  (202): I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure. http://tfl.nu/68x5
  Replies (3) Good night (1569) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.

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  (360): I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line. http://tfl.nu/9tdh
  Replies (2) Good night (363) Bad night (891)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.

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  (952): I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous. http://tfl.nu/ct4x
  Replies (1) Good night (889) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.

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  (505): Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water. http://tfl.nu/zjrt
  Replies (1) Good night (263) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.

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  (703): We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car. http://tfl.nu/btt0
  Replies (4) Good night (465) Bad night (245)

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