Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.