i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?