I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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