so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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