So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
