My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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