You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
