i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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