I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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