He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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