Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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