I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Sober January is a disaster.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
