she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
soo... how was my night?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
