your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
