Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
