Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
