I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
