Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
