were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
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Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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