I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
