I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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