yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize