i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
