I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
