I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
