dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
