why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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