just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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