i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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