saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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