My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize