my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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