got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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