end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
