i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
