We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
