You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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