She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
