yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
