as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
