The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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