Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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