She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize